He didn’t need to be bad or wrong. I didn’t need to talk shit about him to all of my friends. I didn’t need to paint him in a bad light. It came down to a simple fact, “I can’t love you the way you want to be loved and you can’t love me the way that I want to be loved.

Sometimes when we think we are hungry we are actually thirsty. It is confusing right? We have lived for years and years and one would think that our body would easily be able to tell the difference between hunger and thirst, yet….. Sometimes, it isn’t clear.

So, it isn’t about the money but it is about the concept that I am worth spending money on. I am worth investing in.

Almost a year later, on a solo hike on the same mountain I found my answer. For me, it was never about reaching the top. It wasn’t the goal. It wasn’t what I was seeking. I enjoyed every step. It was the journey in which I derived joy.

“Will you dance with me” I asked. I knew that they could touch, taste, feel and hear the vulnerablity of my question.

No words were required.

As they pressed their heart against mine and pulled me close I whispered “this is a song and dance called, how to love me.”

Every conversation. Every interaction. Every experience has a mirror for me. If we are crossing paths, there is a piece of you in me. Somewhere, I am that same man or woman or child. Somewhere, I have that same wound, that same joy, that same expansion and healing.

The question that I was thinking about wasn’t the one that came from my mouth. I was expecting to ask a question about the universe and an experience I had about a month ago. Instead, what came from my mouth was “what if I made all of this up (meaning interacting with him)? What if none of this is real?”

Sometimes, looking at something from a different angel is important, you see different things. Sometimes, you even see something that you didn’t realize was there. So, I try to find myself in child pose on random floors in my reality, both figuratively and literally.

Your past doesn’t have to define you. It once served you but it may no longer serve you and if that is the case then feel free to make a new reality.

We lay on the driveway and chatted about silly things. It felt like a sleepover from elementary school only better because we didn’t have to go to bed early and mom never told us to quiet down.