Relationship after relationship I searched for the love of my life only to feel frustrated and let down. No matter how amazing the person was, something seemed to always be wrong. I made lists of the qualities of a perfect partner. I spent time and energy manifesting to bring this person into my reality.

We were gifted feral kittens who didn’t want to be touched or seen. When we welcomed them into our family, we knew that it would be a process to build a relationship with them.

I was sitting in meditation after the facilitator of the workshop stopped instructing, and I was allowing the lessons to land as deeply as they could in me when I got the strong urge to move my body. I suppressed the urge at first because everyone was being silent and was in meditation, doing their own work, but the message got louder and louder and louder.

You see, life is way too fast these days. We all are in a hurry to get somewhere, not sure where we think we are going, but we are definitely in a rush. This gives me process time which is really important.

She went out of her way to invite me and answer all of my questions. She was open and honest, and our conversation flowed easily. On paper, this situation should work out perfectly for me. It was like the universe was serving me the least complicated answer, yet I didn’t want to take it.

We spoke about how when there is a power struggle it means that there are different sides, you versus me. When there are different sides then someone always loses and if someone is losing that means that you both lose even if you can’t see it like that at the moment. When you are on the same team and really mean that, it results in everyone winning because you keep working until you both can agree.

As the workshop progressed into the second day I felt a sense of sadness that as soon as a session was done people would jump onto their cell phones, often while still sitting in the circle from the workshop. It made my heart hurt that people couldn’t be more present with the container

I packed the last couple of items into my bags. I looked up at him, sitting on the bed. 

“I am going to miss you” I said.

“Me too, baby” he said back.

“I needed to do this alone. I needed to know that I could. It is an important part of my process” I said.

We were chatting after meditation as we do every night. We got speaking about competition and competitive energy. I giggled uncomfortably as I looked at a past part of me that I didn’t love. 

“I hate to admit this.” I said.

“Oh yeah, what do you have?” he asked.

“Mom, I am going to miss you” he said through tears as he stood by my bed.

“Oh baby, I am going to miss you too” I said as I sat up and gave him a hug. 

We walked slowly back towards his room as I rubbed his shoulder. It was the night before I was leaving for a business trip, a training that I had desperately wanted to complete and had gotten the opportunity to attend.