Imperfect Person

I am an imperfect person. I am crystal clear on that. I mean it with every ounce of my body. I am an imperfect person. I have said things to people, whom I love, that are unforgivable. I have done things in my life that are unforgivable. I have acted in ways that I am not proud of. I have acted in ways that I am downright ashamed of.  I have hurt people who I hold dear to me. I am an imperfect person. 

My path involves doing a lot of really good and right things. It involves trying to be the best version of myself and sometimes failing. It involves having wounds that were deep and raw that I pretended didn’t exist and as a result I responded and reacted from places of trauma and wounds. 

My journey involves healing those wounds. It involves sitting in those emotions and really feeling them. It involves finding the root cause of my wounds, rather than avoiding them, and sitting in the wound and emotions until I felt every ounce of it. For me, it was impossible to heal those wounds until I could really feel them. I started with the largest ones that had the most global impact on my life. It is a continuous process and it is beautiful. I mean, it isn’t beautiful when you are feeling the wound and emotions, but it sure is beautiful to heal the wound and all of the hold that it has on you. When I realized that walking around with unhealed wounds didn’t make me “not have the wound” it just made me respond and react from a place of trauma, then the answer became glaring and obvious. I was unwilling to allow trauma and wounds to have any more of a hold on my life, that wasn’t power that I was willing to hand over to a wound any longer. So, I healed my wounds and I got happy. 

I have been told before that it is ok to outgrow people, places, jobs, and situations. It is also ok to outgrow older versions of yourself. I am an imperfect person, but I do not plan on stopping personal growth.