Digging Out Fear

I was drawn to her energy the moment I met her, before she spoke. Someone's energy introduces them long before they open their mouth. The art inside her body came out with waves of love. She was innocent and bright, she was kind and she was good. She walked up to the picnic table with another friend. I had never met her but I recognized her energy immediately. 

I would go on to read for her a couple of times before we developed a friendship. I was blessed enough to get to support her through her opening process. It is like standing in the grandstands cheering for someone with everything in your body. 

Fear limited her ability to open, as it does so many of us. It wasn’t cut and dry because there was nothing cut and dry about her. The fear flowed through her, it was wrapped in a beautifully artistic way all through her. It was woven into her mind and heart, it was twisted in her throat, it sparkled as it danced through her sacral chakra. 

She came with big plans in this life, big goals and big aspirations. She was tethered and caught by fear, it kept her steps small and her thoughts grounded. I decided that I would have a ceremony with her around removing the fear from her body and soul to allow her to move forward with her opening. I set the intention of meeting her in dream state; interlocking fingers with her and pulling the fear from her body. She needed support but we are the only one who can heal ourselves. We interlocked fingers and pulled the fear from deep within her. She didn’t know that I was having this ceremony so when I started the ceremony I expressed that I only wanted this for her higher good and she needed to accept it for it to occur. She had been very clear that she was open to whatever support I could offer her spiritually, so I felt like I had permission for the ceremony and I also knew deep in my soul that if it wasn’t for her higher good and she needed that fear woven deep in her body that it would stay that way.

The next morning, I received a text from her “Real quick….. DREAMS last night. You came to me and you were literally DIGGING out my fear with your hands. Like scooping it out. And then there was another spirit guide figure as well…..showed up as a doctor/musician….. Message was expressing your truth to the world”. 

I was out running when her text came in. I picked up the phone and called her. I told her how impressed I was. Spirit communication comes to us at night when we dream because our frontal lobes are far less active. The frontal lobe is what tries to reason and put us in a “box” that can all be explained. When the frontal lobe is less active we are allowed to explore and interact with universal energy. I believe that my exact words were “fuck yes woman, you fucking GO”. I then went on to explain what events happened for me last night and to clarify that our hands were interlocked, that she was active in this healing process and ceremony. Noone else can heal us, it is our job and while we can access support, we are the only ones who will ever heal ourselves. I needed her to understand this on a deep level, mostly because I couldn't have her giving me that kind of power, it was hers to own and hers alone.

The art attached to this blog is a piece from her. It is about picking love over fear.

Trusting My Body

I relaxed into my run almost immediately. I expected to be sore and slow as I had run fast the day before. The day was hot, almost 90 degrees, and I felt great. I was running fast again and my mind was wild with words and thoughts that were not my own. 

A wind blew in, the air shifted and felt like rain was coming. I welcomed the cool breeze and the clear air. I turned around and started home, realizing that all of the windows in my home were open. 

Autopilot, it’s what I call the mode that my brain gets into when I run. I was in full-fledged autopilot and loving every second of it. Suddenly, my body felt off. It was perplexing because I felt so great up until that exact moment. Normally, it is a sign that I need to extend my stride and take a larger step. My body wanted me to slow but my mind told me to increase my stride, that I had felt great to that point. It was only about 2 or 3 large strides before I got immediate and sharp hip pain. I slowed my pace to just shy of a walk for 2 steps and then a large dead branch fell from a tree as the wind blew violently. It was about 3 feet from me when it hit the road and pieces of it flew up and hit my legs, chest and sunglasses. I didn’t even have time to put a hand over my face before the debris hit me. 

I took one large stride over the branch on the road. Without a thought, I screamed “I love you, thank you” to the universe. My hip pain was already gone and it was obvious that it was the universe's way of protecting me. Your body won’t lie to you, learn to trust it.

Happy Father's Day

My favorite rocks used to rest on my earlobes, fingers and around my neck. As I stepped into my spirituality, everything in my life shifted including my mindset…… most importantly my mindset. 

It was a 4th of July hike. I frequently hike with my father on the 4th but this time was special because he was hiking with us.  Hiking has always been something that fuels my fire for life. Really anything that immerses me in nature makes me feel alive. This day was no different. 

On the way up, we spotted a rock that called to me. On the way back down, he picked it up. He and my father took turns carrying the rock down the mountain. 

It remains one of my favorite rocks and rests in the garden at the entryway of my home.  My love for rocks that rest on my earlobes, fingers and around my neck has almost vanished and my love for rock that rests in my gardens, under my bed, holding my doors open, and in almost every corner of every room has intensified. 

One of these men is no longer in my life and one will never leave me. My father is much like this rock, he is solid, he is pure, he is intense, and he holds space for me when I need him to. Happy Father’s Day!

Understanding that I was a Medium

She was my father’s cousin and I met her when I was about 4, possibly 5. She would come to the end of my bed and stand there. The hair would stand up on the back of my neck and I could feel eyes on me, even though no one was in my bedroom. Those were my first feelings of spirit communication. When I felt those sensations I knew that if I opened my eyes that the girl would be there, and there she would be.  I knew that she was trying to talk to me, but I didn’t know what she was saying. I knew that she was not alive, but I was never scared. I told my mom about her once and my mom explained that it was just a dream. You can feel truth inside of your body, I knew it wasn’t a dream. I knew it with everything in my body.  

Christmas Eve was always spent at my great grandmothers’ home. As a child it was a level of excitement and magic that was hard to wait for each year. All my cousins and my second cousins would be there. The house would be crowded with people and the smells of all the home-made goodness would meet you before you even entered the home. I would be forced to wear tights and a dress, which was the only part of the night that I didn't enjoy. My cousin Louisa and I were about a month apart in age and she was my partner in crime for just about everything as a child, I saw her daily. We were standing by the piano waiting for our turn to ring the strap with the jingle bells on it while making the loop around the home. Each set of cousins got a turn, and waiting for your turn was like waiting for dinner…. It was almost more than we could take as children. 

I was looking at the piano and saw the girl who stood at the end of my bed. In the photo she was wearing a sweet, pale blue dress. I looked at my mom and told her that that was the girl who comes and stands at the end of my bed. My mother leaned over close to me and explained that this couldn’t be true because this picture was of my dad’s cousin who had died. Mom was whispering because she didn’t want to upset any of the family with the conversation. I started to open my mouth to tell her that it was the girl, I had no doubt, but before I could say anything my brother and cousin came back from their jingle bells loop and it was my turn with Louisa. Off we skipped ringing the bells and I couldn’t have been happier at that moment. 

Later that night, I walked into the back stairwell and my dad’s cousin was playing the flute. I loved to listen, so I sat on the bench for a minute and there stood the little girl. She danced up the stairs, weaving between the people who were sitting on the steps. Her energy was light and airy and there was a flow about her movement patterns that I loved. I watched her and I realized that none of the people in the stairwell were tracking her with their eyes, they didn’t see her. At that moment I understood that I was seeing something that my family was not.