Before he could respond I had a moment to reflect on my response. He would NEVER do this to me. If I asked him to do something with or for me he would absolutely never try to convince me that I needed something different.

It was a funny interaction that stuck with me. How many times in life do we fake something or do something poorly? How often do we just keep moving on unless we are called out on it?

The conversation happened 4 years ago now but I remember it like it was yesterday. He told me that he brought me down. He told me that I laughed less when I was with him. I denied it.

We both knew that I had been sitting in the soul lesson of this experience. I had been zoomed out 30 thousand miles looking at it from a soul growth standpoint. What I hadn’t done, was sit in the human pain of the experience

He never reached for her. He never invited her to be in his arms. He sat, with open arms and a wide open heart. Wide open.

“If you are not ok and you have a client. How do you do it?

Sometimes, when doing shadow work, it can feel lonely. It can feel like all of the birds flew south for the winter and you are all alone in the cold. All alone in the dark. All alone in a moment when you feel like you need a flock so badly.

We were all there for some deep shadow work. I sat with my eyes shut, curled in a ball on the couch by myself. I knew that I needed space from the rest of the group. Everyone there was beautiful but I also knew that I needed to be alone with myself to work through what I was working on.

You came into my life and as much as I wanted you to be more, you couldn’t be. You were here as a short chapter in my story. You were here to teach me, but not how I thought that you would teach me. You were here to help me grow, but not how I thought that you would help me grow.

The gravity of what he was saying and what I was doing really hit me. He was trusting me to hold his heart and I was responsible for keeping his heart safe.