I was aimlessly scrolling through social media lying sideways in my bed, tucked in with a pile of pillows made into a nest. The birds were beginning to chirp and the night was fading into day.

I closed my eyes and asked myself, is this how you want to spend your time?

I sat with eyes closed, clenching the trash can between my legs with both hands and both legs. I pulled my energy deep inside of myself to process the information that I was receiving in meditation. Warm, wet tears ran freely down my face and into the trash can making a “drop” as each individual tear hit the contents of the trash can

I actually didn’t care why they didn’t like me. In fact, I didn’t even realize that they didn’t like me. It wasn’t any of my business and it was something that I hadn’t spent any time thinking about. I didn’t need to busy myself with their opinion of me. I simply needed to know if I liked myself. If I like me, then I don’t need you to like me.

“Good, and I know that I can trust your yes because you have told me no before so that means that your yes is actually yes” he casually said as he looked down at his notes on what he wanted to discuss in our session.

The different parts of me hear, feel and interpret different things from the song. The different parts understand things differently and as such will teach me differently. I move the song up through my chakra system allowing it to engage with each chakra. These are all just ways for me to work with energy and understand as much as I can from the song.

I nodded and slowly said, “This is my truth, and it doesn’t need to be yours” I say this statement all of the time and I mean it from the deepest part of my soul. People can have wildly different truths and yet still see eye to eye. “My truth is that I am a fragment of the universe, a soul, and I am here having a human experience.”

Without fail, it brings my heart into the happiest place, pure joy, as I transplant the house plants. Often, music will lightly be playing in the background as I wiggle with excitement and whisper sweet nothings to the plants while transplanting them. This day was no exception from every other spring transplanting day.

I worked very hard to build a deep relationship with my body. It took me time to learn to listen to when my body is talking to me. It took me time to understand my body when it whispers rather than waiting until it yells. The relationship with my body is one of my deepest and most important relationships.

It was obvious to me that in trying to get attention and in trying to impress that I had been unwilling to show up vulnerably. I was showing up trying to prove myself and in that energy, I was proving nothing. At that moment, I changed.

Without realizing it, I went back to childhood. I was sitting sideways on a bench at my grandparents dining room table, in early spring, looking out the window while eating my lunch. My grandfather said “poor man's fertilizer”.  I didn’t understand what he was saying and I asked for clarity.