“I used to only sign up for your courses that interested me, but now I sign up for them all,” she said with a wide smile.
“Yeah, I noticed that. What made you start signing up for all of them?” I asked, interested to see what had created this shift in her.
“I used to think that your content was powerful, and so I would sign up for the content that I was interested in. After I took enough of your courses I realized that being in a safe container of people where I was allowed to be myself, the real me, and show up messy and confused and however I was actually feeling and that not only would I be accepted but I would be supported was just as healing as the content that you make” said said as she shook her head gently and began to look away.
I left silence, knowing that if I created the space, she was going to go deeper into the concept.
“Erin, I have never felt safe being exactly who I am,” she said as her eyes welled with tears.
She wasn’t making eye contact with me, but I purposefully softened my gaze because I knew that I had been looking at her with intensity that likely felt like too much for the space that she was in.
“There is no part of me that is rejected in your groups. But, it isn’t just you who accepts me, it is everyone in the group,” she said as a tear rolled down her cheek and landed on her shirt. She wiped her tears away with her hand and brushed her hand onto her pants.
“Having that level of acceptance has been so healing. I finally feel like I belong and not just inside the group, but I belong to myself. The groups allow me to practice being myself in a safe space, and I am starting to notice that now I can be myself more fully with my friends and even some of my family.” She glanced over at me as more tears ran down her cheek.
I smiled at her gently and pressed my hand to my heart.
“What you teach is powerful, Erin, but how you teach and the container that you hold is life changing,” she said as she bit her lip and then began to sob.
Later that night during meditation I replayed the conversation in my mind and felt a lump form in my throat. Warm, wet tears began to flow from my eyes as I felt gratitude for this amazing life that I get to live.