“Can I have a hug?” he asked.
“Of course you can, baby” I said back.
He was ungrounded and dysregulated. Every time he interacted with this particular individual he would become ungrounded and dysregulated. It broke my heart and was also out of my control.
He leaned into me and by that, I mean he leaned onto me. He pressed his body against mine, it was like he couldn’t get enough of himself in contact with me. His head lay on my chest and he stopped moving. His breathing slowed and became regular and relaxed. I felt his body start to relax. He stopped crying. We stayed that way for about 5 minutes. Neither of us said a word, we didn’t need to. Eventually, he picked his head up.
“I love you” he said and then put his head back down.
“I love you too, baby” I said back.
He started to melt. I felt him let go. Everything about him shifted, physically, emotionally, energetically.
When he asked “can I have a hug” what he really meant was “Can you ground me? Can you make me feel safe? Can you create stability for me? Can you help me reset my energy”
If he had all of those words, my words still would have been the same, “of course”.
We went on to process his emotions. It was important to validate his emotions and allow him a safe space to express himself. But first, it was more important to hug.
Sometimes, people in your reality won’t be able to describe what they really need. They may not have the words. That doesn’t mean that you can’t hear what they meant to say.
