I am a very light sleeper, I always have been. I woke to the sound of my son walking from his room to mine.
“Are you ok” I asked as he approached my doorway.
“I can’t find Andrew” he said with panic in his voice.
I jumped from my bed “what do you mean” I asked as I quickly walked to the boys room. They made the choice awhile ago to all sleep in the same room despite the fact that there is a room for each of them in the house.
“I woke up and he was gone. I checked the bathroom and he wasn’t there” he said.
I quietly but quickly opened the door to their room and looked in the beds. My oldest child wasn’t in his bed, I pulled the covers back. I peeked at the top of the bunkbed and my youngest was sound asleep with the covers pulled all the way up.
“I told you” my middle son said.
“Was the bedroom door open when you woke up” I asked. I had checked on them and shut the door before I went to bed.
“Yes, I think so” he said back.
I quickly went through each room in the top of the house then ran down the back stairway and started looking in rooms downstairs. As the panic rose in my mind I started running. My oldest has a seizure disorder and there have been times when he walked during or after a seizure with zero reason or safety precautions. I used to have the stairways gated because I once watched him walk down the stairs and once off from a bed. It had been years since he had done this but it didn’t stop the panic from washing over me like a wave in the ocean. As I ran from room to room turning on lights and yelling for him my mind started thinking horrible thoughts.
“Mom, should we look outside” my middle son asked with panic in his voice.
“No, the locks are still locked on the doors” I had already had that horrible thought run through my mind.
As absolute terror set in I realized that I was solidly in my head. Our minds can play tricks on us. Our bodies don’t lie. I took one deep breath and focused my energy on my body. I have been able to dowse with my body (without a tool) for as long as I can remember, I did it before I understood what I was doing. As my energy went from frantic to completely and utterly calm I knew that my body was going to find Andrew. I turned and knew in an instant that Andrew was up on the top bunk with Aiden. I walked up the stairs quickly but calmly, walked into the boys room and immediately pulled the blanket that was covering Aiden down. Andrew was wedged between the wall and the mattress and the blanket had been covering his whole body including his head.
Both boys sleepily sat up and looked at me “Mama, what are you doing” Aiden asked.
“We couldn’t find Andrew” I explained.
“Oh, I just really love Aiden and I wanted to snuggle him” Andrew said.
“Oh, I really love that, and I really love you sweet boys” I said as I pulled the blankets back up, kissed their heads and shut the door.
