We were taking a walk in the woods and avoiding the fact that our relationship had fallen apart, to be honest it was dead. There was no real reason for it to be dead, hence the walk. Our conversation was forced and awkward, which was odd because it flowed so easily for our whole relationship. I told him how my girlfriend caught a faery on video and how excited I was for her.
“Does she have an iphone” he asked.
“No, Samsung. Why?” I responded
“Because I think it's just something on the iphone (imply that it isn’t a faery)” he said.
I recoiled like I had been hit. Words rarely give me a physical response that others can visually see, however his comment absolutely did.
His words rattled in my head for days. Let me be honest, they shook me to my core. They rattled in my head for months. Was I crazy? I could see the faeries with my eyes and then catch them on my phone, was it all in my head? Why did I capture things on camera that most don’t? Is it just a glitch in my phone?
Earlier in our relationship he said that his friend wanted to see a picture of a faery that I caught, but when there wasn’t the moon or sun or light coming through. At the time, I remember thinking that I would happily do that if this man needed proof. It didn’t bother me that a random man who I didn’t know didn’t believe in me, he didn’t need to. I knew that as I stepped further and further into my abilities and capabilities that I would have an abundance of people who questioned or didn’t believe me.
I was out for a run when a guide who works closely with me showed up. We spoke about limits. We spoke about how far our limits can be pressed. That we will get to experience things as far as our brains allow our limits to be pressed. It solidified why I got to experience things as truths that some others may not.
Days later, I was out running and a different guide showed up. He always pressed me, hard love doesn’t describe him well enough.
“Fuck him” he said with a coyness in his voice.
“Why” I said back.
“Actually, fuck you” he said with laughter in his voice.
“Fuck you back” I shot back at him.
There was a long silence as I ran.
“Why fuck him? Why fuck me” I asked.
“Fuck you for letting his limits on boundaries become yours. At what point did you set your self worth on his opinion and his boundary? At what point did his boundary become yours?”
That conservation resulted in weeks of meditation, running thoughts and contemplation. On the next full moon I set the intention of releasing the ties that I had created between my barriers or boundaries and those of any future partners. It was a full moon, but you couldn’t see the moon because a storm was starting to roll in. The first couple drops of rain were coming and I picked up my phone and caught this faery along with multiple shots of lightning later in the night. I laughed when I realized that I got his photo, the one without sun or moon or light but with a perfect faery. This wasn’t my first time experiencing a partner who had a different boundary. It wasn’t my first time experiencing a shift in my boundary to meet my partners. It was, however, the last.
