“Will you be home for us to stop by?” she asked in a text.

I left the text for hours without responding. I was torn. I adore her and I adore spending time with her however I had nothing left to give, not that she was asking for anything. I had an intense week of energy work and I hadn’t taken enough time to recharge myself. I had made plans to be in nature, at a lake, with my boys. I needed to be present with nature and present with my boys.

Earlier that day while walking with a client we saw a shell of an insect. I stood in the hot mid-day sun looking at the shell of the insect and thinking about why this was crossing my path. I didn’t have to guess what the message was, the message was so clear that it felt like a neon blinking sign. The sign would have read “Dear Erin, what the F$CK is wrong with you? Do you want to ruin yourself? Do you think this is healthy? Adjust your schedule, cupcake. Don’t be a shell of yourself”.

Some lessons are harder than others to learn and integrate. The universe was serving me this lesson on a silver platter with a side dish of discomfort. YOU CAN’T IGNORE YOUR OWN CARE. I had received the message loud and clear and just to be sure that it landed, the universe sent me 6 examples, in less than 24 hours, that tested my commitment to this lesson. You see, when I am learning a lesson the universe often brings it to me multiple times after I have verbalized understanding so that I can really ground the lesson into my knowing.

Eventually, I text back. I didn’t make excuses. I simply explained that I would love to see her, however I needed to take care of myself and that taking care of myself meant sticking to my commitment to myself and my children.

I don’t want to be a shell of myself and I understand that giving too much of myself will create that.