My son threw his head back when he laughed. I love that he does this too. I have had it pointed out to me before that when I am authentically laughing and present in the moment that I throw my head back when I laugh.

The day was simple, I was raking leaves and he weaved between the stone walls and leaves laughing and playing tag with my brother. The sun was bright and the sun was high in the sky. Despite the fact that it was fall, the sun felt hot on my face and arms as I raked. There was a musty, earthy smell that is hard to capture in words, but easy to embrace with every breath. I closed my eyes under my sunglasses and just stood for a minute. I wanted to freeze time and bottle it. I wanted to be able to experience it over and over again.

He let out a squeal and then more head back laughing as my brother chased him. I picked him, I wanted him, I made him and I am proud to be his mom. Watching my brother be a phenomenal support for my son melts my heart. While I made my son, and it was a choice to be his mom, there is no way out of the responsibility of parenting him. There is no walking away from being a mom. My brother has the option to walk away at any point, being a supportive adult to my children is not his responsibility. It has never been his responsibility, it has been his choice. He makes it over and over again. He makes it when the sun is shining and the boys are laughing. He makes it when the skies are stormy and the boys are struggling. He makes it, actively makes the choice. I am so proud of the man who my brother has grown into and I am so proud to have him as a prominent energy in my boys lives. Surrounding myself and my boys with people who throw relentless love and support our way is one of the best choices I have ever made. While it sounds obvious, surrounding yourself with people who demonstrate what you are seeking is instrumental.

There have been phases of my life where I didn’t want to bottle the energy up and save it. But, this….. this phase of life is what dreams are made of. The label on the bottle would clearly read “HAPPY”.