“I don’t need to tell you this, but I need to say it. The shift in your son is amazing,” she said.
“What specifically are you seeing?” I asked, knowing what I was seeing, but I was interested in understanding what she was seeing and what made her initiate the conversation.
“He is calm, he is confident, he is happy and there is a lightness to him that I have never seen before” she responded.
I smiled at her gently, knowing exactly what she was talking about.
“It is amazing, right?” I asked.
“I knew that you had been telling me that the environment was the issue and that I wasn’t getting to see the real him, but I had no idea just how significant the difference was,” she said. I sensed a mix of emotions in her.
“How does that make you feel?” I asked.
“I'm Excited for him and a little sad to see the impact that the environment had on him,” she said with tension in her voice. I guess I wonder how many other students are experiencing this but don’t have the ability to change environments because no one is advocating for them.”
I have a deep understanding of how impactful the environment was on him because I know him incredibly well. I also have a profound awareness that all that I needed to do was find the environment that supported my son's authenticity and uniqueness. It isn’t specific to my son; it is all humans. There are some environments where it is safe for us to express the authentic version of us and there are some environments where it is unsafe to express the authentic versions of us. The pain that happens for us when we have to hide parts of ourselves for extended periods of time is profoundly impactful and damaging. When we are forced to stay in environments where we have to make the choice between acceptance and authenticity it is a no win situation that sets us up for trauma.
The good news is that anything and everything can change. It can be as simple as making one choice where you pick yourself, where you pick your authenticity, where you pick your uniqueness. The real question is if you are ready for your reality to be different, and do you want a different reality more than you want to stay in the comfort of what you know.