Driftwood

We were spending the day at the ocean for my birthday, it was everything that I wanted. Over the past couple of years, my drive for physical things had almost vanished. All I wanted was time and experiences. My son needed to use the restroom and he and I went running up the beach towards the bathhouse. I thought it was weird that you were running alongside me. You loved to run in life, and frequently found me on my daily run so it didn’t surprise me to have you running beside me, but your energy felt off. We started running through the powdery sand which made me laugh, it is awkward and I couldn’t help but think it is funny. 

“Grab that wood” you yelled at me. 

I stopped and picked up a piece of driftwood that was almost completely buried in the sand. I pulled the piece from the sand and kept running. I didn’t want to make my son wait, so I carried the piece of wood without even looking at it. We reached the bathroom and I stood outside waiting. I chatted with a woman for a moment or two about the weather and then I looked down at the wood. In my hand was a piece of driftwood, smooth, soft and a perfect heart shape. 

“Happy birthday” you said standing against the wall. 

It was by far my favorite birthday present!

Skin to skin

As I drove the hour and 15 minutes to the waterfall I could feel myself letting go of the human side of life, all of the business and chaos that surrounds life from time to time. As I drove, the world got quiet, my thoughts got quiet, life slowed down and a feeling of peace washed over me. 

As I walked the path out to the waterfall I felt immense gratitude for the time and space to be connecting with the earth and universe and myself on this beautiful day. My children were safe and happy with my mother and I didn’t have to wonder or worry about the human side of life at all. 

I walked out onto the rocks and immediately stripped off my socks and shoes. I sat down and just adjusted to the energy and the vibration of the space. I welcomed the energy into me and accepted all that it had to offer me. 

After the world got slow and silent I carefully walked down the rocks and waded out into a pool made by the waterfall. The water was cold and clean and flowing quickly. As I sunk down into the water I felt it washing away pain and fear. Some of the pain and fear I knew that I was holding onto and then some I didn’t even realize was there. As I rocked side to side with the rushing of the water, clarity about life washed over me, into me rather. 

I got out and climbed back up onto the large rock and marveled at the swirling energy in the rocks. I took off excess clothing and sat down on the rock. For a brief moment, sitting there was enough. Then, I wanted to sink into the rock. I wanted to be part of the rock. I wanted to be grounded, solid and strong like the rock. I lay back and spread my arms and legs, pressing my body against the rock. And, there I lay and lay and lay. Eventually, I rolled over and pressed the front of my body against the rock. I slowly closed my eyes and sank into the rock, into the water, into the earth and into myself. 

When a child is born, the parents are told to strip their clothes off and press the child against their chest, called “skin to skin”. It is a way to connect with the child and for the child to feel safe, to get literal and figurative protection from the parent. Like a newborn, I needed to be skin to skin with mother earth and like a newborn I got safety and protection. 

Finding the 7 of Wands

You lost one of your tarot cards, making the deck almost useless. You were attached to the deck and had used it daily. I was in the process of opening to remote viewing and trying to understand exactly what my body did and how. I told you that I thought the card was between the passenger seat and the center console. You told me that you had already checked there and found a card there earlier that day, which is what made you check if you were missing one. I felt strongly that it was there, I could feel it, I could see it, it had to be there. You checked again and told me no. It left me with a very confused feeling. A feeling of distrust in myself and my ability to remote view. We broke up only days later. The card rattled in my brain and I kept the unsettled feeling.

About 4 months later I got the urge to date again. Despite the fact that our relationship was short lived, I loved the connection we had. You were the first person who I dated and felt safe being vulnerable about my metaphysical abilities, even the ones that I was just opening to. At the end of our relationship, you threw some of those abilities in my face, which took me off guard given that you had your own. 

My closest spirit guide asked me to wait until after my birthday to seek a new relationship. I agreed without thinking twice. On my birthday I got a strong urge to clean my car. It was an odd emotion that I didn’t understand but I also did not embrace it. As we were driving back from the ocean my oldest son asked about cleaning the car, which made me laugh, odd that he would say that just after I was thinking it. 

Two days later I decided to clean my car. I pulled my boys shoes and sweatshirts from under the seats and as I leaned down to start vacuuming I started to feel that there was something I needed to check for between the passenger seat and the center console, honestly the card never crossed my mind. I peeked between the seat and console and there I saw the small stripes on the back of the card. I knew before reaching for it that it was your card. I smiled to myself. It was exactly where I said that it would be….. I just had the wrong car. It was a beautiful sign from the universe and I felt profoundly grateful for it. Just the night before I had actively started seeking a new romantic relationship. The timing was uncanny, when I was finally ready to release the relationship and move on, the universe rewarded me with validation about remote viewing. You took your cards everywhere, literally everywhere, so the likelihood that it would be between the center console and the passenger seat was tiny. I was fine with the fact that I had the wrong vehicle, I was working through the details of how to interpret this information and this was a learning opportunity for me to understand context better with how I remote view. I have never sought remote viewing training, I have maintained the belief that if the universe wants me to understand it, then it will show me. 

I reached for the card and pulled it out. The seven of wands. I smiled from ear to ear. I have always viewed this card a little different than standard tarot books will describe it. It shows a man, wearing two different shoes, standing on the top of a hill with a wand (stick) fighting off 6 other wands. I have always seen it as being slightly unprepared for your situation (different shoes) and fighting a make-believe fight. There is a man who is fighting with a stick…. These are not swords, they are sticks. Whenever I see this card I always ask, what are you really fighting here friend? I always view 7 as a spiritually driven number. The card was perfect for him. The card was perfect for me. The card couldn’t have been more perfect.

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Exact Price?

My phone rang, I was cooking dinner and when I saw your name across my screen I knew that you wanted to talk about your house. You loved her house, truly loved the house. You were about to put it on the market, which was a huge step for you. There were tons of memories of your daughter, who had passed, making it hard to sell.

I picked up, and immediately you told me about stress and resistance from the day. You went on to tell me that your house was about to go on the market but the real estate agent said that she thought that you should drop the price by 10K, before even listing it. I said no, that when the house went on the market you would get a full price offer on 8/1 of 219K. You thanked me for the validation and hung up.

2 days later, I got a text that you got a full price offer, just like I said on 8/1.  I called you back and listened to all of the beautiful details. I then told you that you would be getting an offer at $225K the next day. You quietly told me that you would love that but that it felt a little uncomfortable. 

The next day, I got a text “don’t ever question your abilities”. I called and listened to your sweet words as you told me that you got an offer of $225K and that you accepted it as fast as you received it. 

While I am sure that the information about house pricing was useful for you, the experience was honestly about me. This may sound odd because you selling your home truly has nothing to do with me but I had been working on the accuracy of my psychic readings and wanting to sink deep into the small details. I knew that I had the ability to pull out the small details and wanted to access all of the abilities that I have, so I had been focusing on specifics. The universe gave me a beautiful chance to practice and I felt so profoundly grateful for the validation.

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Finding Andrew

I am a very light sleeper, I always have been. I woke to the sound of my son walking from his room to mine. 

“Are you ok” I asked as he approached my doorway.

“I can’t find Andrew” he said with panic in his voice.

I jumped from my bed “what do you mean” I asked as I quickly walked to the boys room. They made the choice awhile ago to all sleep in the same room despite the fact that there is a room for each of them in the house. 

“I woke up and he was gone. I checked the bathroom and he wasn’t there” he said.

I quietly but quickly opened the door to their room and looked in the beds. My oldest child wasn’t in his bed, I pulled the covers back. I peeked at the top of the bunkbed and my youngest was sound asleep with the covers pulled all the way up. 

“I told you” my middle son said.

“Was the bedroom door open when you woke up” I asked. I had checked on them and shut the door before I went to bed. 

“Yes, I think so” he said back. 

I quickly went through each room in the top of the house then ran down the back stairway and started looking in rooms downstairs. As the panic rose in my mind I started running. My oldest has a seizure disorder and there have been times when he walked during or after a seizure with zero reason or safety precautions. I used to have the stairways gated because I once watched him walk down the stairs and once off from a bed. It had been years since he had done this but it didn’t stop the panic from washing over me like a wave in the ocean. As I ran from room to room turning on lights and yelling for him my mind started thinking horrible thoughts. 

“Mom, should we look outside” my middle son asked with panic in his voice. 

“No, the locks are still locked on the doors” I had already had that horrible thought run through my mind. 

As absolute terror set in I realized that I was solidly in my head. Our minds can play tricks on us. Our bodies don’t lie. I took one deep breath and focused my energy on my body. I have been able to dowse with my body (without a tool) for as long as I can remember, I did it before I understood what I was doing. As my energy went from frantic to completely and utterly calm I knew that my body was going to find Andrew. I turned and knew in an instant that Andrew was up on the top bunk with Aiden. I walked up the stairs quickly but calmly, walked into the boys room and immediately pulled the blanket that was covering Aiden down. Andrew was wedged between the wall and the mattress and the blanket had been covering his whole body including his head. 

Both boys sleepily sat up and looked at me “Mama, what are you doing” Aiden asked. 

“We couldn’t find Andrew” I explained.

“Oh, I just really love Aiden and I wanted to snuggle him” Andrew said. 

“Oh, I really love that, and I really love you sweet boys” I said as I pulled the blankets back up, kissed their heads and shut the door. 

Waving with Rhonda

The rhythm of my feet on the pavement made my heart and soul sing. I was in a state of utter bliss as I ran on the hot and humid afternoon last week. I had already gotten to the halfway mark of my run and was headed back towards home starting back up the incline in the road. I was solidly in my head in a meditative state when I saw a sweet elderly woman at the end of a driveway by the mailbox. I focused on her as I ran and realized that she was dilly-dallying at the end of the driveway. A wave of immense loneliness came crashing over me. As I approached her I waved  and said “it was a beautiful afternoon, eh?” 

“You are doing great” she said back as if she had been waiting to say that.

I smiled and said “thank you”. I slowed my pace and crossed the road. It was clear that she was looking to speak. 

We introduced ourselves and she asked where I lived, I explained. She then proceeded to tell me that she had just lost her husband and that it was her first visit to the store in a long time. She said that it had been 3 weeks since she had spoken with someone in person. I barely said a word, I smiled while she told me her life story. She told me about the beauty and abundance of love that she had experienced. She told me about the recent loss of her husband. She told me that she was never able to have children. She told me of her medical conditions and her plan to place herself on a path of health and wellness. It was clear that she needed to be heard and validated. A car went by and I waved.

“Oh, how do you know those people” she asked.

“I don’t” I said back.

She stared at me blankly and then laughed and said “no, really, how do you know them”. 

“I don’t” I said back and smiled. Another car went by and I waved.

“Why would you wave to them” she asked with a clear disconnect in her voice. 

“I like people” I said back. It was that simple. I like people. I like the connections that humans have with each other. I like wishing people the best. These people are crossing my path and my energy field. I appreciate each driver who makes the choice to swerve around me on my run. These are my neighbors. These are locals. These are humans who happen to be coming in contact with me. I wave at everyone who passes me while I run. It is a simple act of kindness and I believe that simple acts of kindness is how we see chance. I never expect a wave back, however, it lights my world up when people wave back or flash a peace sign. Love people, enjoy people, find the light side of life, spray love like a water sprinkler. I promise, you won’t be sorry.

She giggled awkwardly and said “I guess you do, You have been talking to a stranger for the past 20 minutes and act like you enjoy the conversation”.

“Oh Rhonda, I do enjoy this conversation. I feel wildly blessed that you were willing to share glimpses of your life with me”. 

She made beautiful eye contact with me. Her eyes sparkled and a childlike energy came out of her. 

As she climbed into her car to drive to her house, she smiled and waved to me.

Spirit Spider

Early morning woods walks bring the magical side of life alive. Our feet move quickly, our minds spin constantly and our eyes dart here and there. Morning woods walks force a level of silence that is like little else in life. It brings simplicity. It brings attention. It brings truth. 

We walk with quick feet through life. It is easy in the mid-day sun to miss the finer things in life. It is easy when life moves by to miss the honesty. It is easy to overlook the details. I have walked past you without seeing you. I have chatted without looking. I have focused on my life and missed your presence. I walked past your webs without seeing you or even acknowledging that you exist. 

Early morning walks bring light to things I couldn’t see during the mid-day sun. I see spiderwebs that have been weaved with love. I know that the spiders exist when I can clearly see their webs in the early morning light, covered with dew and all of the freshness that it brings. 

Have you ever walked in the woods and not realized that you are surrounded by spiders? It is like walking through life and not acknowledging spirits. Sometimes, it takes a shift in your vision to see them. I love morning woods walks, they reveal all sorts of truth that I couldn’t see when the sun is up.

Growing Pains

I was out for a run and he showed up, running one step in front of me. He knows that I hate it, I honestly can’t stand it. He runs just out of reach and it doesn’t seem to matter if I pick up my pace or not, he will just pick up his. It has been our relationship since the moment I met him. Just when I felt like I wanted to slow my pace and that it wasn’t worth it, he would make a sneering comment.  It was his form of encouragement, and tonight was no different. 

“You said that you wanted to grow” he said.

“I do” I bolted back at him almost immediately and with fairly fierce intention in my voice. 

“Then stop complaining, no one said it would be comfortable” he said with a smirk in his tone. 

“I didn’t say a word” I said as I looked down at my feet rather than focusing on the hill that I was running up, he was still just a stride ahead of me and had me running outside of a comfortable pace. 

“Don’t play with me, I can hear your thoughts and you were complaining” he poked back at me. 

I was silent and wasn’t sure if I wanted to say “oh, fuck you” or “thank you”. He was a perfect guide for me. I didn’t always like the way that he taught me, it was often harsh and blunt, but he knew me well and had been instrumental with my spiritual growth. 

“Fuck you too. You are welcome. And, I will beat you to the top of the hill” he said as he picked up his pace. 

Growth is often uncomfortable. All of my growth has required me to be raw and real and vulnerable. It has required me to look at myself with a different lens, sideways, upside down, from the top and bottom. It has forced me to dig at wounds that felt too raw to address. It has forced me to hold myself accountable. Growth is uncomfortable and it is also the essence of life and love.

The Path to my Raspberry Patch

I have carried water daily to my newly planted raspberries for the past 2 and a half months. If it didn’t rain, I would fill my buckets and lovingly carry them across my yard, up the slope and past the rows of blueberries. Each day, it made me happy. I mean profoundly happy, somewhere deep in my soul I knew that I was walking a path that I was born to walk. It wasn’t just about the immediate joy that I got from assisting a plant to transition to its new home, it was also about an investment in my future. It was an investment in my children's future. The future of what would go into their mouths and feed their bodies. I loved watching them grow and would cheer for them as I watered them. I have always talked to my gardens and my houseplants and these raspberries were no exception. 

On this particular afternoon I decided to sidedress the raspberry plants with compost. It was 98 degrees, the sun was shining, the air was thick and the sweat was running down my elbows as I loaded the compost and pushed the wheelbarrow up the slope towards the rows of raspberries. 

As I shoveled the compost out of the wheelbarrow and around the raspberries I got thinking. I truly loved caring for these raspberries. What if……. what if I cared for myself just as well as I cared for these raspberries. What if I treated myself with this kind of gentleness. What if giving myself what I needed wasn’t an option, it was required to fit into my day. What if I put that kind of love and energy into myself.  What if I encouraged my own growth the way I encouraged theirs?  

Now…….. what if I encouraged every other human I know with this same level of love and intensity. And, what if they just happened to encourage me back. 

Fencepost Advice

I worked in the garden and he sat on the fencepost, I could feel him sitting there without looking up. I knew he came with something to say, mostly because he was saying nothing. I knew that he was waiting for me to look up at him, I didn’t. I focused on the sun and how it warmed my skin. I focused on the smell of the lilacs that bloomed all over the property. I focused on the way that I felt with my hands and feet in the ground. Eventually, I looked up at him. He smiles with a crooked smile, a lopsided grin that let me know that he was playing with me. I smiled back, used the back of my hand to push the hair from my eyes. I looked back down at the tomatoes that I was planting knowing that the eye contact was enough of an acknowledgement that he would eventually spit it out. 

“You know………. you can’t lose weight when you hate your body”

I didn’t look up. He knows it is a sensitive topic for me. I crawled along planting the tomatoes. I had recently gained a little weight and no matter what I did the weight wouldn’t come off. 

“I know that” I said without looking at him.

“Do you” he asked from the fencepost.

“I mean, I should” I said back feeling unimpressed with myself.  Unimpressed that I needed to be having this conversation with him. Unimpressed that I couldn’t see it for what it was before he called me out on it. Unimpressed that I found myself in a situation again where I didn’t love my body.

“You lost weight when you loved yourself and your body”

I knew that he was gone without looking however I looked up anyway. The fencepost was empty, much like the way that I felt when I realized that I was hating my body again.