I took a deep breath in and a slow exhale out. Each time I had trusted in the past, it worked out in my highest good. So, I went back to floating and felt the security of the universe holding me, physically and metaphorically.

He was wildly unsettled and agitated. It was seeping from every ounce of his being. His body was shaky and he was screaming about everything and anything. I had given him a minute to allow his nervous system to come down and reset to baseline. He was laying in a bed with heavy covers on. I told him that I wanted him to either take a bath, shower or get into the hot tub. He said that he would but wanted to go outside first.

Sometimes, you don’t even know what you need. You just know that you need something. Today, was one of those days. I was processing something hard and had cried off and on much of the day.

But, what if you are mad? Do you not have the right to express that openly or to have that emotion? Does that other person not think that the two of you are able to work through whatever emotions arise?

It is a dance that we do beautifully. There are no steps to learn or remember, the dance must be felt and the shifts in energy must come from intuition and I have never had a partner dance more beautifully with me.

“What if it wasn’t bad or good?” I asked. I waited to see how he would respond and when I could tell that he was willing to hear me out I continued.

Nature told him to protect me because he loves me. Nature told him to fight for me. Years ago, he would have literally been fighting to protect me but in this day and age he is certainly not going to be in a physical fight for me yet his body and soul have a memory of that energy

“Mum, can I stay home from school today” he asked.

I was busy putting things into the boys backpacks and wasn’t making eye contact. “Why, what is going on, baby?” I asked back.

I had found someone who was just as excited to be alive only I hadn’t gone searching for him. I had held my energy and allowed him to come into my reality and then recognized him when he arrived.

Everything in my heart, mind, body and soul were tired. Everything. Part of me wanted to cry and part of me was too tired to cry.