I was teaching a workshop and the energy of what I was saying landed in my body like a tsunami. It was undeniably something that I needed to circle back and be more present with. I noted it and circled back to it later that day.
Play is a core part of my authenticity. I genuinely love it and always have. I can remember a woman trying to shame me about it by telling me that I had a child-like energy to me. I knew in the moment that she wasn’t saying it as a positive thing but as a form of criticism. At that moment, I had the choice to allow her shame to become mine or to stand in the truth of who I was and own it. I responded by saying “thank you,” and I meant it. I can remember watching her rock back on her heels when she realized that her shame hadn’t landed for me.
In the workshop, I was speaking about a childhood memory that I had about playing with a barbie and when my mom walked in, I threw the barbie under my bed and pretended like I wasn’t playing with it. At that moment, I thought that I was too old to be playing with a barbie. It wasn’t a concept that my mother had put on me, she invited and encouraged me to play. To be honest, I don’t even know where the self-judgement was coming from and it doesn’t actually matter. The memory of tossing my barbie under my bed and pretending like I wasn’t playing with it is seared into my memory like it happened yesterday. I can still recall how it felt in my body and the emotion of embarrassment and shame washing over me.
I have worked on and through this self-judgment in many ways. Like layers of an onion, I peel them back slowly. I know that I love to play, and I play freely in so many places in my life. I play freely with my children, my husband and many of my clients but I haven’t incorporated play into all aspects of my life. I am still guarded around play in so many ways. It was the tsunami that I felt in my body as I was speaking during the workshop. It was my body begging me to feel safe enough in who I am that I allow myself to play freely in all aspects of my life.
So, that night in meditation I felt the safety inside of my body and realized that it was actually more unsafe to deny this part of me than to play and possibly receive judgement. As soon as I could see and feel this clearly, I made a commitment to myself to honor this expression of me and allow myself to play.
As soon as I made this commitment to myself, my mind opened up to ways that I wanted to play. A warmness and lightness moved through my body as the ideas began to roll into my awareness. I brought my awareness away from the ideas and focused on the awareness and lightness that I was experiencing in my body. I laughed at myself, realizing that I was feeling excited to play!
What if you started to play more inside of your business, I thought. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Wouldn’t it be fun to make an invisible offer where people purchased something and had no idea what they were purchasing? Wouldn’t it be fun to allow people to play with you while you play?
It would….. It would be exciting, and now with the invisible offer out there in the world, I am able to confirm that it IS fun!