Belonging happens for me when I can bring myself, all of me, or the "max" of me, it is like an ever-changing organic being that I am in a deep relationship with.
Things happen inside of spaces or inside of myself where it doesn't feel as safe to bring all of me, and then I feel less belonging, it’s like shades of grey. It isn't a yes or no. It isn't “I belong” or “I don't belong”. It’s like how much do I belong, which is driven by an internal process of feeling safe. There is ALWAYS some level of belonging for me everywhere in life, in all places and all spaces. It isn’t a yes or no, or a this or that, it is how much am I allowing myself to belong right now.
A situation could happen inside of a relationship where I feel unsafe to bring all of me, and then I feel less belonging. But I am still ultimately responsible for that sensation of less belonging, because no one can make me feel a way. People are people, and I feel a way about situations, dynamics, or interactions. When I feel less safe, I feel less belonging. When I feel less belonging, I get to explore WHY that situation, dynamic, or interaction made me feel unsafe and why I reacted and responded that way. It isn’t about anyone else.
For example, when someone “does” something and I feel unsafe to bring all of me, I make myself small, I pull back, and allow less belonging, but it is all me. Now, I get to explore what part of me needs more love to feel safe enough to bring more/all of me. Sometimes, bringing more/or all of me is about realizing that the connection isn’t for me right now and picking myself and creating more space from that person. But then I feel a deeper belonging to myself, even if I don’t feel a deeper belonging with that individual. Sometimes, it is about loving myself enough to address whatever happened and find resolution with the person, which leads to deeper belonging inside of myself and inside of that connection.
Belonging for me is about how I feel safe enough inside of myself to bring more/or all of me, and when I don’t feel a sense of belonging, it is an energetic invitation to sit with something in my reality and in myself.