There is something about running with him that makes the run special. It is never comfortable and I am never upset about the fact that it is uncomfortable. He pushes me, in every way possible. Today was no exception. It was a pace day which meant that I was running at a pace just outside of my comfort zone. He loves pace days, it is a different level of pushing me. I would tell him that he isn’t my coach, however, we both know that is inaccurate. He is the definition of a coach.
On pace days I do more listening and less talking. Despite the fact that most of our communication happens internally it still takes energy and when he shows up on pace day I have little energy left to dialogue. I had been working hard on a project for Rose Quartz Mediumship. I was burning the candle on both ends; eating, living and breathing this project. It cycled in my mind on the run.
“I have your back” he said.
It snapped me out of my headspace. I nodded. “I know” I said back. He must have known that I needed to hear it. It was unlike him to give unsolicited support. He always stood just outside of my comfort zone and made me grow. I thought about how many times he had shown up. How many times he had been present for me. How many times his energy covered me like a wave of fierceness. He would be the first one to let me struggle. He would be the one who stood there and watched me struggling to keep my head above water. When push came to shove, he would drag me out of the water and let me get enough air to live, only to throw me back in again and let me get out myself. We both knew it. I didn’t doubt it at this point. He would stand silently next to me at the brink of death simply to let me save myself. He was never rainbows and butterflies, he was fighting weight and icy rain runs.
I was listening to pandora, to be honest it was running but I hadn’t heard a word in miles. The music changed in the middle of a song. It was clear that he changed it. I listened to the song as I ran.
“Anything she need, she can call me
Don't worry 'bout her, that's my seed, yup, that's all me
Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me
Cross me, cross me”
I losted the words to the song because he caught my attention belting the song. His energy was playful and light which was a nice shift from my focus on the project. I laughed while trying to focus on pace and feeling grateful that I was on a downhill. He belted another line:
“So if you hear about my lady, just know
That she ain't the one to play with, oh no
And I'll be standing so close
So you know that”
Ed Sheeran- Cross me
It has been a long time since he has sung to me. I love it when he does. I knew he had my back. I knew it and in that moment I heard it and I felt it too.
