Grapes grow on the edge of the pastures that my neighbor owns. I see them in the fall as I run. I love the smell of them as they get ripe at the end of August and early September, it brings sweetness to my whole day. To me, the energy of the grapes is happy and light and I welcome it as it shows up in my reality. The long and short of the situation is that I like the way they look. I like the way that they smell. I like the way they taste. I like the energy they give.
It was almost 3 years ago when I said I wanted to plant grapes on my property. My partner at the time told me no and stated that I could just get them from all of the pastures that surround my home. At the time, I felt sad about it, but agreed. In hindsight, I would agree to many things that weren’t in alignment for me because I loved him. Well, that is a bullshit excuse, right? It wasn’t because I loved him, that is just what I told myself to feel better about the fact that I couldn’t hold a boundary. It was because I had unhealed wounds, shadow work that wasn’t done and a poor sense of self. It was easy for me to give an excuse. It was easy for me to say that I loved him and was thinking of his needs too. The reality is that I didn’t love me. I had huge wounds that needed to be healed.
In every partnership you compromise but when you are constantly living not in alignment and can’t seem to hold a boundary, or maybe don’t even know how to create one, then the problem isn’t in the relationship, the problem is in yourself. As you heal your wounds, you may realize that the relationship was a mirror of an older version of yourself and you have outgrown it.
I own 20 acres, there is room for grapes. I promise there is room for grapes. The grapes brought me a ton of joy and I wanted them on my property, there was no reason that I couldn’t have them. So, as I healed wounds I started facing many of these boundary issues. He is long gone and the grapes are happily living on my land now.
