I trimmed my bush. Well, actually I trimmed multiple bushes. It started with one and quickly turned into the whole back yard. It was the day after I ran a shadow work workshop. Even though I am the one who is presenting, I am also absorbing and processing as well. I always tell participants that the real impact of the class becomes clear when you start to integrate the information. Even as the person presenting, this is true for me also. It was no surprise that I woke up the day after the workshop ready to trim my bushes. Whatever the resistance was, it felt more manageable and I felt ready to just start the process.
I told my mom that I was going to just pick one bush and trim it and openly admitted that for whatever reason, I was struggling to start the process. I told her that I was giving myself permission to just trim one bush, that it didn’t need to be all of them today. I say at shadow work workshops when running them that you don’t have to address every shadow you have all at once. Ironically, here I was telling myself the same thing.
It was 9 am and already 88 degrees and humid. I started with the bush that was the most overgrown and the most obvious visually when standing in the backyard. As I trimmed, I processed, without even realizing it at first. Part of me hated trimming the bush, cutting things back has always felt harsh, however the overall health of the bush would be better and I knew it. The more I trimmed the bush the more I realized that while the bush was growing, it wasn’t taking the direction or shape that I wanted. I kept trimming, only to realize that there were parts of the bush that were dead. I hadn’t realized there were dead parts until I started working on getting the bush in a healthier place. The dead parts certainly were not serving the bush overall. Maybe the trimming didn’t feel good initially to the bush but I knew it would feel good before long. Sweat poured off from me as I trimmed. When I finished the first bush it was clear that I was already sweaty and in the process and I was just going to keep going. The reality is that one bush flowed into another and it was hard to define where one stopped and the next one started, so I stopped trying to define and just started trimming. The more I trimmed, the more clear everything got, figuratively and literally.
When I was done I looked around the back yard and realized that it felt better, a lot better. The yard finally had the shape and direction that I wanted and didn’t realize that I was craving. Initially, I thought about cleaning up the branches but decided that I would run first. Running has always been a safe place for me to process my emotions and this day was no exception. I thought about my life, the people, the events, the environments, the energy and really asked myself what parts were not serving the overall shape, direction and health of my life. As I sweat through the 92 degree run I realized that the universe had lined up this time to allow me to purge and release, so I ran further and sank into the experience.
When I got home and started picking up the branches I realized that the longer the branches were disconnected from the bush the more they lost their volume and the easier it became to clean up. The leaves were wilted and were only taking up a fraction of the space that they did only an hour earlier. I piled them onto a tarp and dragged them to the compost area on my property.
Later that afternoon the universe handed me a figurate bush and asked me if I was ready to trim it. I nodded, picked up the trimmer and started in. As I trimmed I felt grateful for my lesson earlier in the day from my backyard that I could apply to my situation.
