I pulled the covers open and slid inside. There was something about the way the fresh sheets felt on my bare skin that I welcomed on a deep level. I needed softness right then. I needed gentleness right then. I needed comfort right then. I needed support right then. I needed a safe place to let my guard down.

The past 36 hours had been ruthless and intense. I had tried to let my guard down with someone whom I should have been able to trust. I needed someone to hold space for me about a sensitive, vulnerable and highly personal situation and I misread the space that would be held. I thought that this was a safe space and that I could be vulnerable about something raw, something that was so close to me that it was hard to be open about. Something that I already carried shame and guilt about. Before I could even finish telling my story I was corrected, I was told how I could have done it better and how I should have done it better. It was the last thing I needed, I didn’t need to be torn down at that moment. I need to be seen and heard. I didn’t ask for advice or to be shamed. I responded in a way that I wasn’t proud of. I came out swinging with my words. I said things that I couldn’t take back and I knew that they cut deep. Just because I had been cut to the core didn’t give me the right to cut back to the core. I wasn’t proud of myself. I knew that this was a growth opportunity for me and I committed to growing.

I pulled the sheets up and slid my legs back and forth a couple of times. I adored the way the sheets felt on my body. As a single tear rolled down my face I heard words that I needed to hear. She attended a Shadow Work workshop that I ran. We were talking about finding people who could hold space for us while we addressed our shadows. She spoke up and said “sometimes it isn’t a person, sometimes it is a place or the wind or an animal”. At the time, I thanked her for the comment, she was correct and her statement struck me. I knew that it struck me for a reason but it wasn’t until this moment that I truly understood why it struck me. Sometimes, it isn’t a person, sometimes it is a place or the wind or an animal…… and sometimes it is your bed.