When I first met him, I would leave the doors to my house open all the time. I have a vivid memory of him asking me one day why I left them open. It had never occurred to me not to leave them open and the question made me think. Why wouldn’t you want the air and energy to flow freely through your home? Why wouldn’t you want to let the most amount of light and nature into your home?

When we moved into our home together everything changed. My whole life changed. I don’t know exactly when or how, but it just seemed to happen. My doors were shut, the energy and light didn’t flow through my home or my heart anymore. Somehow, I became shut off to the lighter side of me, a side of myself that had been so important for all of my life. Suddenly, I was someone whom I didn’t recognize anymore.

When he moved out it took me time to heal my wounds. Slowly, I started to let the light and love back into my life. Slowly, the doors on my home started to open again. The barriers and guards that I had put up started to come down. I started to be vulnerable and open again. Eventually, my morning started with walking around the house opening each and every door. It happened naturally and felt good and right. I didn’t think much about it as it was happening. One day, I opened the last door in the home that had remained shut. It was in that moment that I realized how shut off I had become with him and how open I had become again after him.

It was a beautiful growth moment for me. It wasn’t about him. It was all about me. I responded and reacted in ways that were not true to my soul and I can never blame that on him, I hold sole responsibility for that. In that moment, standing in my open doorway feeling the sun and light pouring over me, I vowed that I wouldn’t find myself in this situation again. I would be true to my soul and keep my figurative and literal door open in life.