Realizing this has been one of the most profound and beautiful understandings of my life. It’s an insight with endless layers, like an onion you can return to again and again, each layer rich and heavenly in its own way. Its depth goes far beyond anything language can fully capture.

There is a sacred intensity within me — a divine frequency that I had fallen out of alignment with.

The disconnection didn’t happen overnight. It was gentle, gradual… almost imperceptible.

I looked different. Of course, the physical transformation was visible, but that wasn’t what struck me.

As I stood there, gazing at my reflection, I recognized someone in my life who had once known me deeply—a version of me from the past.

I woke to the faint scent of campfire lingering in the air, even though I’d showered and washed my hair.

Before my eyes opened, my heart smiled — gently pulled back into the memories of yesterday.

I think that there is something poetically tragic about the fact that you won’t get to experience this version of me. That you won’t get to be loved by this version of me. That you won’t get to experience all of the benefits of the growth that came out of our relationship.

I Am the One…

Things happen inside of spaces or inside of myself where it doesn't feel as safe to bring all of me, and then I feel less belonging, it’s like shades of grey. It isn't a yes or no. It isn't “I belong” or “I don't belong”. It’s like how much do I belong, which is driven by an internal process of feeling safe.

I have been in a deep state of transformation recently, and everything in my energy field and reality has been changing — literally everything. When this shift started for me, I knew that it was going to be profound, but I had no idea just how big it would be.

I was getting ready to cleanse and clear my body and as I moved the container of sacred shamanic cleanse I dropped the container. The moment that the container slid from my hands I felt my heart skip a beat. The cleanse was expensive and before it even hit the floor I was thinking about what I would have lost.

I used to miss all of these moments. I used to be so deeply in my mind that I missed most of my own morning. I used to be so caught up with what was happening in my head and all of the steps of my day that I wasn’t present with the life that I was living, the body that I am in. I think back about just how much of this beautiful human experience I have missed because I was in my head and not in my body.