“Oh yeah” I responded with a question in my voice. 

“Yeah, it was like something shifted inside of me during the workshop. I could feel it happening. Whatever you were saying was moving right through me in a way that I can’t explain. It is like you downloaded something into my heart and my body and my soul.”

I saw a canvas that you painted and it took my breath away.

I also have more access to the subconscious limitations and blocks that I have been reinforcing that keep me from stepping into the next expression of me. It would be easy to say that I am sitting in more fear, but that isn’t it, I have more access to the fear and subconscious blocks, and I know that that is all that they are, so I do not allow them to spiral.

I have worked on and through this self-judgement in many ways. Like layers of an onion, I peel them back slowly. I know that I love to play and I play freely in so many places in my life. I play freely with my children, my husband and many of my clients but I haven’t incorporated play into all aspects of my life. I am still guarded around play in so many ways.

It would have been easy to meet me with control because I move through the world with the energy of the south. The energy of passion, the energy of fire, the energy of a wild horse unwilling to be tamed. You never tried to control me, you simply created the structure for me to be exactly who I am and honored that authentic expression of me.

She nodded at me and let out another sigh. She began looking around the room, knowing that I was going to ask her to orient before the somatic exercise. Then she closed her eyes and I began to guide her through a somatic session. I knew that when she felt that unsafe, she wasn’t going to be able to see anything other than danger and would continue to loop in fear-based thought patterns. I also knew that if she could access some safety, she would also be able to see the dynamic in a very different way. 

“I used to think that your content was powerful, and so I would sign up for the content that I was interested in.  After I took enough of your courses I realized that being in a safe container of people where I was allowed to be myself, the real me, and show up messy and confused and however I was actually feeling and that not only would I be accepted but I would be supported was just as healing as the content that you make” said said as she shook her head gently and began to look away.

A storm was rolling in, and the air was thick with humidity. I wiggled my toes on the hardwood floor and felt the moisture of the humidity on the floor. I smiled gently and kept wiggling my toes because I realized I enjoyed the way that it felt. It felt good to be present with my reality and my body. For years, I spent my life in my head, constantly thinking rather than feeling

There are some environments where it is safe for us to express the authentic version of us and there are some environments where it is unsafe to express the authentic versions of us. The pain that happens for us when we have to hide parts of ourselves for extended periods of time is profoundly impactful and damaging

The moment that I became a mother, I knew that I would die for my babies. The flood of emotion that washed over me the night that I gave birth for the first time was undeniably one of the most powerful experiences of my life. In a moment, my whole reality changed, my priorities changed, my mindset changed, my life changed.