The universe works in magickal ways

Can you hear me now? I am confident that the Universe said that while laughing. The answer is YES, I can hear you now.  I had gotten clear messages around taking more down time for myself and giving myself permission to take more time to be introspective about my business however, I didn’t listen. While I meditate daily and also have meditation through movement 6 days a week,I knew that I needed large blocks of time to sit with the business and be open to what the universe has to show me. 

One thing that I can tell you is that when I do not listen to the universe I get the lesson anyways. This has happened multiple times in my life and while one would think that I would have learned by now,  I guess I like things the hard way sometimes. Which is even more for me to be introspective about!

The night before oral surgery I had a deep knowing that something was not going to be quite right. I had made the choice to stay awake for the procedure and to only have local pain medication. The oral surgeon was amazingly calm and gentle even when things got complicated during surgery. 

Long story short, I had complications postoperatively also. I got the down time and large blocks of time, 9 days to be exact. It wasn’t until the words came out of my mouth, “why is this happening”, that I realized exactly what was happening. This was a gift of time and silence that the universe had given me. I accepted it as soon as I recognized it and embraced it. Not only did I get the gift of time, I also got the gift of clarity on where I wanted to go with my business. The universe works in magickal ways! 

I can't "see" it

The crash of a glass breaking on the floor is easy to recognize. Even from downstairs I knew exactly what happened before going up. I had given my son a small bowl of cashews in a tiny glass bowl. It was something that I had done many times and he had not dropped one yet. 

I was lucky enough to get upstairs in time to see his face. His eyes were huge and he said “I am so sorry, I did not mean to do that”. 

I laughed and said “of course you didn’t baby, just hold still”. 

I cleaned up the broken glass, or so I thought. The next day I was walking barefoot through the house and must have stepped on a small shard of glass. It started as a “pinch” and as the day progressed it got more and more sharp. He was over for dinner and while it was cooking I asked if he would see if he could get the glass out. He looked and looked and couldn’t see it. He used a light and a needle and opened the site up a bit, however he still couldn’t see it. 

After dinner, I asked him to just take the needle and open up the whole area, I knew it was there. He agreed and started by looking, however he couldn’t see it. I knew my body and I trusted it. I also trusted that he could find it even if he couldn’t see it yet. Eventually, he just started slowly pulling the needle through the wound site. All of the sudden there was resistance to the flow of the needle. The next round of the needle through my skin he caught the same resistance and then suddenly flow of the needle again and he said “I got it”. 

“I could feel it before I ever saw it” he said. “I knew it was there even without seeing it”. The next morning I was watching the sunrise and got thinking about how much my piece of glass was like spirituality. Sometimes, you can feel something even if you can not see it. Sometimes, you can sense something even if you can not see it. Sometimes, you can know something even if you can not see it. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you “know” something, you “sense” something or you “feel” something but you can’t “see” it take a deep breath, relax your energy and trust that it is there even if you can’t “see” it yet.

Sailing away

Sometimes in life we find ourselves being weighed down. It can feel like an anchor keeping your boat hovering in one particular location on the vast ocean, stagnant, for lack of better description. Much like a boat with an anchor down, from the shore things may look calm and peaceful with the boat, however the reality is that the anchor is fighting the flow of the universe. 

When you really stop and think about it, a boat that is held still in flowing water is fairly unnatural. Things that are immersed in the ocean are meant to shift and move underneath the immense power of the ocean. Yet, if you stay anchored for long enough you start to normalize it, expect it, and embrace it. 

Often, we don’t even recognize how anchored or tied we can be. What if, that very anchor that we think is providing us stability and peace is really just limiting our ability to shift, flow and see what the ocean has to offer us? What if, releasing our anchor resulted in freedom of movement and growth? What if, releasing our anchor brought us to a new view that was far more beautiful than the one we had been seeing. What if, we were meant to release control and trust that the ocean would support us? What if, we could never move forward if we had to hold onto the resistance of our anchor? What if….. you just cut the tie with that which hold you down, holds you back, holds you stagnant? 

The question is, what is your anchor? Can you even see it through the water anymore?

Race, outside of my comfort zone

I had finally worked up the courage to try an ultra marathon. After I built up the courage, I built up the excitement around it. I mapped out a training schedule and started increasing mileage. It felt slightly outside of my comfort zone. Let me be honest, it was outside of my comfort zone. I am fairly confident that part of my draw to that distance was that it was outside of my comfort zone. Growth happens for me outside of my comfort zone. Growth happens when I want something more than I want to stay comfortable.

I hadn’t talked about the race with many people. It was likely a protection mechanism. He felt completely safe to talk to about it. Not only did he meet me with genuine excitement, he also met me with support. He must have known that I needed to hear some encouragement, because he threw it my way without a single request. 

I vividly remember the excitement I felt the night before my first full marathon. I wish I could bottle up and save that excitement and the energy. Not just the energy the night before, but the energy picking up the race number, going pee one last time which inevitably turned into 2 more, walking and jumping before the race to get excited energy out, the music at the start line, the encouraging energy from all of the runners. I have always wanted to bottle that energy and save it.

Needless to say, I felt completely deflated when I got the email that the race had been moved. I told him about the change in date and how I hoped to be able to run a marathon or two over the summer. He came back with the most beautiful question that made me recoil. He asked me why I needed it to be a race, why couldn’t I just do it myself? 

His question was simple. When training for a race I would always have distance runs built into my training schedule. I loved them. They were always my favorite part of the training schedule. They were just outside of my comfort zone and I always got a nice dose of excited energy, like race day. I spent the next couple of weeks thinking about his question. The reality is that I was likely seeking external validation. The ironic part is that my pace and my time no longer matter to me, I gave up my focus on those years ago. It was about the experience, so why did I need to have an official race? I didn’t want to admit that it was external validation, I fought verbalizing it. If I was being completely honest, I wanted to say that I had run a 50 K race rather than just saying I had completed a run that distance. As soon as I could admit it to myself, I started to challenge myself on that. I wanted to run that distance because having a goal like that encouraged me to take my running schedule more seriously. I wanted to run that distance because it made me drink more water and eat healthier meals. I wanted to run that distance because it gave me more time in a meditative state. Those were the real reasons. Just like that, I started planning my own 50 K. 

The next time someone asks you a question that is outside of your comfort zone or makes you recoil, recognize that there may be a growth opportunity there for you.

Fear

Have you ever had an experience where you resisted something based on the fear of how “bad” it would be? Have you ever stayed in a job too long, for fear of how uncomfortable the transition out would be? Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have, for fear of the pain that it would cause? Have you ever stayed at an event too long, because you didn’t want your exit to be uncomfortable and you felt that you hadn’t stayed long enough?

Isn’t it funny, the level of discomfort that we will tolerate to avoid being uncomfortable?

This is something that I have contemplated a lot recently. Is it being uncomfortable that we are avoiding or is it the fear?

I have a lot of people ask me if I have a hard time delivering uncomfortable information during a reading. My answer is always very clear, it isn’t even slightly uncomfortable to deliver uncomfortable information. A long time ago I worked through my fear around uncomfortable conversations and I no longer avoid them. I got super comfortable with uncomfortable conversations which took every ounce of power away from the uncomfortable conversation.

It wasn’t the uncomfortableness that was the issue. It was solidly my fear around the uncomfortableness. You may be reading this and wondering why I am splitting hairs. It is my truth, that it is hard to address something when you don’t understand what exactly it is that you're addressing. So I named it, I called it what it was, I looked at it straight on. It was fear. It wasn’t being uncomfortable.

The other night I had been working on this exact topic. It wasn’t until I was in meditation that I realized I was staring at the same problem on a different platter. It was fear that limits my ability to move on. The actual act of moving on wasn’t that uncomfortable, it was well within my ability to tolerate. It was my fear.

Did you agree?

This is my truth, it does not need to be yours.

My truth is that we are a soul here having a human experience. I believe that a large part of why we are here having a human experience is to challenge ourselves with experiences that promote growth for our soul. I believe that while we were at the light, before starting our human experience, there are certain things that we agreed to experience to promote this soul growth.

I also believe that we came into this human experience with other souls, almost like a pod of people, to help support us or play roles for us to help us with our goals of soul growth. For example, you may have identified people who were going to throw unconditional support and love at you to help give you the stability that you needed to challenge yourself in a particular growth area. On the flipside, you may have identified people who would step into your life and challenge you to help promote soul growth in a different way.

I believe that when there is a particular soul growth goal that we put multiple levels of support in place to ensure that we learn and grow. We put individuals in our world who will challenge us and oftentimes also put individuals in our world who will support us at the same time with that same goal. The more we have grown in a particular area, the less support we come in with, mostly because we don’t need it. For example, if you are trying to work on self-worth, then you may have people in the work setting, in your family, in your friend circle, who challenge you on self-worth…… maybe challenge is the wrong word, maybe it’s really more of pushing you. You likely at the same time have support from loved ones, friends or family, who support your mission of self-worth and provide positive feedback and affirmations. The more lives that you have lived in, the more growth you have made and the more you will challenge yourself to have less support from friends and family. And then eventually, you will challenge yourself to have almost no support and possibly even have your loved ones be the ones who challenge you.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are being challenged, consider the fact that you may have asked for an experience like this to help you grow. I know that it’s hard at the moment, however I challenge you to try. Zoom out a bit, and rather than being upset with the person for the challenge, you may want to ask yourself why YOU asked for this, what did YOU want to learn. Did you agree to this? Better yet, did you ask for this?

Frozen

Have you ever felt frozen? Have you ever felt stuck? Have you ever felt like you needed to break the cycle, needed to shift and move but didn’t know how?

I was struggling through my emotions. What was mine to own and what wasn’t mine to own? Actually, it was all mine to own. If I believe that I am responsible for everything in my life, then I am responsible for this situation. I felt frozen, unsure of how to own all of this situation, but acknowledged that I needed to figure it out. 

I meditated by the fire and got messages but not everything that I was looking for. I tiptoed up the stairs focusing on the way my body responded to the change in temperature as I walked away from the warmth and light of the fireplace. I asked the universe to help me see what I couldn’t with my own eyes. I asked the universe to help me grow when I couldn’t see where to root myself. I drifted off to sleep clutched strongly to the knowledge that I am well supported in my growth from the universe. 

I woke to the sound of rain, freezing rain hitting the windows and roof. I checked the clock only to see 2am. I recognized that I had been woken by spirit. With eyes wide open, I focused on hearing all of the messages being gifted to me, not letting my ego get in the way. Allowing the messages to flow through me, like the rain that was flowing outside my window. 

This was a pattern of protection. One that came from a wound. I had a choice. I could sit in my pattern and feel stuck or I could sit in the uncomfortableness of change. I got to make the choice. What kind of uncomfortable do you want? Do you want the uncomfortable that you know, the cold and frozen pattern that holds you back or do you want the uncomfortableness of change? Do you want to be vulnerable and raw? Do you want to hand someone your trust and risk the chance of getting your heart hurt? Or does someone else have to pay for your previous relationship wounds?  Do you want to work through the uncomfortableness of change and growth? I got a choice. 

It was an easy choice to make. I wanted to be uncomfortable as I worked through growth. I wanted to accept risk and the chance of being hurt. In the darkness, listening to the rain hitting the window I made a choice to not be stuck anymore. 

Sleep escaped me as I lay lost in my thoughts. Zoomed out, thinking about myself and my life. As the light of day found me, I knew that I was going to need to work through my pattern. Throughout the day I felt the need to shift and move my body, nothing seemed comfortable and I realized that I was carrying this pattern in my physical body. I eventually found myself on a run hoping that the movement would allow energy to shift in my body. What I wasn’t expecting, however likely should have expected, was sharp pain. I was about 10 minutes into my run when I got sharp stabbing pain in my solar plexus. I could feel my emotions rise and I took a deep breath. I recognized it for what it was, the discomfort of releasing something I hold onto so tightly for so long. I kept running and relaxed into the discomfort which started to shift and move. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to vomit. I accepted this and decided that if my body needed to purge the energy,I would allow that. I didn’t vomit, I didn’t even gag. I cried. Without a warning tears flowed freely down my face and I gasped to catch my breath between sobs. Just as quickly as the tears had started to flow they dried. I sniffed and cleared my throat. As I slowed my pace and ended my run I found peace and calm in my body that had not been there all day. As I released, I made room for energy that was in better alignment with what I actually wanted out of life. I don’t want to be frozen, I don’t pick frozen anymore.